Monkey Business: They Don't Make Them Like They Used To

[Due to a lot of contributions at the time - all as angry, if not more than my own - this following article remained unpublished until now. In retrospect I am glad of this: Pools went on to remain unbeaten for 24 games straight, setting club records along the way and getting promoted as runners-up of League One for the 2006-7 season. Republished 12 July 2007; originally produced under the date above]

Why do Pools hurt me so?

The start to this season has been genuinely surprising (and wholly disconcerting), and has dented many people’s faith in Pools. But why?

After watching yesterday’s utter shambles (16th September; Pools 0-3 Shrewsbury), a few different theories hit me, each one as truthful as the next. Some are fair, and many are unfair, but it lies as much in the players’ abilities as it does in the fans’ support - from which my two theories as to why we’re so inconsistent and, quite frankly, god awful when we want to be. I apologise in advance for my negativity at the moment - many know me for my staunch pro-Pools and anti-Darlo sentiments online - but I assure you it’ll be a short-term thing, because I feel that action will be taken to sort out the problems I raise in the very near future.

Let us take the players first. On a quick scan of our team sheet, only a few names remain from the promotion season of 2002/3: Eifion Williams, Matty Robson, Tony Sweeney, Jim Provett, Micky Barron, Mark Tinkler, Ritchie Humphreys and Darrell Clarke. And how many of them are securing first team games right now, from week to week, like they did in 2002/3? The first three. If they’re lucky. Which they’re not. Eifion has suffered from being played out of position; Matty Robson, although met with mixed criticism, strikes me as someone good at running in a straight line - not playing left back (or at all, some others may say); and Sweeney, who I’ve always respected as a player but one who has slipped in his ability compared to his usual high standard. Provett, Barron and Tinkler just don’t seem to get games - with Provett’s drop striking me in particular, given his accolade of player (and fan) awards for being one hell of a goalkeeper and shot-stopper. Clarke’s injury record speaks for itself (bloody nice guy like), and Humphreys… well, that’s a different argument altogether isn’t it? What stands out most, however, is that in the new signings we’ve had, only one to me seems consistent - Michael Nelson.

Too many team changes have led to our downfall. Martin Scott *spitspitspit* had a penchant for playing lucky dip with his teams; I think he bought Lancelot from the National Lottery and painted the players’ faces on the balls, because there wasn’t any decipherable formation or team-building exercise going on (although the return to the tunnel in the closing days of his career was pretty close). This affected the players’ confidence immeasurably, but it’s something that’s STUCK - which is now the players’ fault. Going back a few years now, you think of players with their hearts in the game, such as Sir Tommy of Miller, Baron Knowles and King Gary of Strodder, I was saying to someone leaving the ground after the aforementioned shambles that they don’t make players like them anymore. Not at Pools, anyway - fighting spirit seems like a dirty word at the moment. It’s affecting everything, from our playmaking to our dead-balls, our passing to our penalties (7 points extra if we’d have scored them all… and we’ve only played NINE games). Our confidence as a team has destroyed, or is slowly destroying, all that was holy about Pools in the Turner and Cooper eras.

We’re playing awful teams and what are we doing? Lowering ourselves to their standard. Before, in League One, the teams were bigger and more powerful, and we rose to the challenge. I don’t know if it’s some kind of twisted condescending logic Pools are adopting, but it sure as hell isn’t working.

BUT - what was the driving force behind Pools’ success in the seasons that we did so well? In 2002-3, at Sunderland, at Cardiff? The FANS - the other major factor in my view.

At the Boston United home win not so long ago, me and a few of my friends were starting songs like nobody’s business. Why? Because no-one else was. When did that start? The worst thing was, when we started singing Two Little Boys, we were the only 6 fans singing it, because other fans were too busy turning around and looking at us as if we were mad, or that singing was a crime. It actually made me extremely angry - the fighting spirit seems to have drifted away from the core audience of Pools, too. They don’t make fans like they used to either, so it seems. Our voices got louder and louder as more people watched us singing (and in doing so, were looking AWAY from Pools on the pitch - and this is the centre-back of the Town End, with Pools scoring towards us!). They seemed to harbour no shame in the fact that they cared more for the singing jokers behind them than the action on the pitch - it was as if they’d paid their £x for the Lads Aloud concert behind them and not the game, which we were winning (and yes, I’m the equivalent of that ugly ginger one from our female counterparts. It also looks like I’ve eaten her too).

Looking at these faces, I realised they all had one thing in common - all 100 or so in the immediate vicinity, and others dotted elsewhere - I’d never seen them before at Pools in my life.

Before leaving for the Commonwealth of Kingston-Upon-Hull to go to University in 2004, I hadn’t missed a single home game in 5 years, and I’d missed 6 in 7 years. I was there for the entire rise to power (and for quite a few years before that - my first game, aged 8, was on the 12th of April, 1994 - and I was way too young to go on my own), and seen fans come and go. But since living away for a couple of years, a lot more has changed fan-wise than in the entire time I supported them fully before I left. Is this because they’re fair-weather fans who’ve suddenly become rather bored of it all, now we’re back in what now seems to be our homeland?

My conclusion, however, hit me like a ton of bricks after the Shrewsbury game. I actually considered walking out - 15 minutes before the game had finished. I’ve never walked out of a game early, and I’ve always cheered and clapped at the end, regardless of result. I actually screamed abuse at the end because I was so angry. Lost my voice too. Not that anyone could hear it anyway - the rest of them were booing, something I’m very averse to but something Pools THOROUGHLY deserved after that waste of time. That’s reason enough for me to think that it’s Pools that are letting the fans down and not the other way around - even if it’s just marginal.

And this brings me neatly back to the dents in my faith in Pools - are we underachieving now, or were we overachieving back then? I certainly don’t think we have a chance at promotion unless the players and the fans sort themselves out - and I’m happy to chair this gentlemanly agreement.

Oh, and by the way… I’m not going to blame Wilson. Not just yet. I felt the other points were more important. But, one thing’s for sure, I’m definitely not giving him as much time as I gave Scott.

Monkey Business: ALL A-BOARD!

The internet is a wonderful place for a football fan. Every year, three or four big football websites pop up and, at last, we’re starting to see proper coverage of supposed “lower-league minnows” like our wonderful selves. However, a true alternative that is still going strong today is possibly the greatest resource for a football fan, Premiership to Non-league: the message board.

From my first quiet days on the internet I regularly read the Hartlepool United message boards. After 2 years, having seen our promotion season and our subsequent playoff semi-final upset to Bristol City, I got to know the ups and downs of the internet’s fan base. All kinds of people come out of the woodwork over the highs and lows of the season, from your constant optimists to your suicidal pessimists, happy to drown in a half-empty bath of their own misery.

Then again, our consistent progression as a club over the space of 5 years or so had clearly had an effect on the vast majority of the supporters, who generally agreed with each other as to the credibility of attendances, players, managers and opposition. Having realised that my points of view were often represented before I typed a word, I didn’t really post at all. Upon going into exile to the Democratic People’s Republic of Hull for University, and with our own message board temporarily closed, I found a perfect place to put my feet up for a while - the board for our neighbours and designated worst enemies, Darlington F.C..

The quality of posts bordered on cartoon-like qualities, in both the characters that posted them and the characteristics they showed. It was as if we were Road Runner, running off up the Football League, whereas Wile E. Darlo-te were too busy blowing themselves up with failed signings and chairman problems. Then again, I don’t think ACME could have really accounted for such poor products as Craig Russell, who had what can only be described as a turning circle of a ship - I guess in a way it was a good replacement for Barry Conlon.

What also seemed to be prevalent in their collective attitudes, like a group memory loss, was the fact we’d actually went up. Of course, they were still better. After all, they had the beautiful stadium, big screen, free carvery with their half-price season tickets, not to mention their sparkling free Darlo shirts made by that bastion of the sports clothing world, erm… Xara?

But online, pride always seems to come before the truth, to the point that obvious facts are denied. I daresay that telling them they play in black and white hoops would get a negative reaction, too. A brief check around other team message boards containing other fierce rivalries reveals a similar experience, but ours with our reacquainted rivals seems different, and made me think about how I acted as a football fan. I’m a fan of the sport itself just as much as, if not more than my beloved HUFC. It seems many message posters, Darlo and Poolie alike (but mainly Darlo - and I honestly don’t feel biased in saying this… after all, they‘ve been above us once in the last 4 years and that‘s only this year‘s alphabetised tables) have much less interest in the contest that is going on than the identity that their team gives them. This in many cases has led to the out-and-out seasonal demise of entire message boards, as real arguments are replaced with infamous posters waging war on one another, or a group of people trying to discredit someone on the sole basis that they have “HUFC” or “Poolie” in their usernames.

Keyboard warriors are probably the bane of my existence. However, I’ve been branded one myself. This is apparently due to the fact I type fully and can actually argue a point. The fact I’m only 20 really makes them dig their heels in (as well as having both “ginger” and “poolie” in my username… I must learn to help myself sometimes) - after all, you can only really hold a point of view if you’re over 35, right?

It’s probably because I just tell them how it is. I predicted Hartlepool’s 3-1 win over Darlington 2 days before the game to a crowd of Loids, who responded by foaming at the mouth asking me if I’d recently been struck with some form of madness. Best thing was, when it happened, they denied that the tie even mattered as we weren’t even rivals anymore given that we were not in the same league, as if they’d moved onto bigger things! Then again, the Carlisle game was so big for them, i.e. a third of their stadium being used, that the match was delayed by a full 30 minutes. I daren’t say how long our lot will be kept out for, waiting for them to blow the dust from their unused seats, but I hope we beat them 5-0 too!

Love them or loathe them, the message boards will always be a good read. Get yourself on - I promise you, it doesn’t get dull very often at all.

Links:
Poolie Bunker
Hartlepool United F.C. Rivals
In The Mad Crowd - the definitive Hartlepool United F.C. resource