Monkey Business: ALL A-BOARD!

The internet is a wonderful place for a football fan. Every year, three or four big football websites pop up and, at last, we’re starting to see proper coverage of supposed “lower-league minnows” like our wonderful selves. However, a true alternative that is still going strong today is possibly the greatest resource for a football fan, Premiership to Non-league: the message board.

From my first quiet days on the internet I regularly read the Hartlepool United message boards. After 2 years, having seen our promotion season and our subsequent playoff semi-final upset to Bristol City, I got to know the ups and downs of the internet’s fan base. All kinds of people come out of the woodwork over the highs and lows of the season, from your constant optimists to your suicidal pessimists, happy to drown in a half-empty bath of their own misery.

Then again, our consistent progression as a club over the space of 5 years or so had clearly had an effect on the vast majority of the supporters, who generally agreed with each other as to the credibility of attendances, players, managers and opposition. Having realised that my points of view were often represented before I typed a word, I didn’t really post at all. Upon going into exile to the Democratic People’s Republic of Hull for University, and with our own message board temporarily closed, I found a perfect place to put my feet up for a while - the board for our neighbours and designated worst enemies, Darlington F.C..

The quality of posts bordered on cartoon-like qualities, in both the characters that posted them and the characteristics they showed. It was as if we were Road Runner, running off up the Football League, whereas Wile E. Darlo-te were too busy blowing themselves up with failed signings and chairman problems. Then again, I don’t think ACME could have really accounted for such poor products as Craig Russell, who had what can only be described as a turning circle of a ship - I guess in a way it was a good replacement for Barry Conlon.

What also seemed to be prevalent in their collective attitudes, like a group memory loss, was the fact we’d actually went up. Of course, they were still better. After all, they had the beautiful stadium, big screen, free carvery with their half-price season tickets, not to mention their sparkling free Darlo shirts made by that bastion of the sports clothing world, erm… Xara?

But online, pride always seems to come before the truth, to the point that obvious facts are denied. I daresay that telling them they play in black and white hoops would get a negative reaction, too. A brief check around other team message boards containing other fierce rivalries reveals a similar experience, but ours with our reacquainted rivals seems different, and made me think about how I acted as a football fan. I’m a fan of the sport itself just as much as, if not more than my beloved HUFC. It seems many message posters, Darlo and Poolie alike (but mainly Darlo - and I honestly don’t feel biased in saying this… after all, they‘ve been above us once in the last 4 years and that‘s only this year‘s alphabetised tables) have much less interest in the contest that is going on than the identity that their team gives them. This in many cases has led to the out-and-out seasonal demise of entire message boards, as real arguments are replaced with infamous posters waging war on one another, or a group of people trying to discredit someone on the sole basis that they have “HUFC” or “Poolie” in their usernames.

Keyboard warriors are probably the bane of my existence. However, I’ve been branded one myself. This is apparently due to the fact I type fully and can actually argue a point. The fact I’m only 20 really makes them dig their heels in (as well as having both “ginger” and “poolie” in my username… I must learn to help myself sometimes) - after all, you can only really hold a point of view if you’re over 35, right?

It’s probably because I just tell them how it is. I predicted Hartlepool’s 3-1 win over Darlington 2 days before the game to a crowd of Loids, who responded by foaming at the mouth asking me if I’d recently been struck with some form of madness. Best thing was, when it happened, they denied that the tie even mattered as we weren’t even rivals anymore given that we were not in the same league, as if they’d moved onto bigger things! Then again, the Carlisle game was so big for them, i.e. a third of their stadium being used, that the match was delayed by a full 30 minutes. I daren’t say how long our lot will be kept out for, waiting for them to blow the dust from their unused seats, but I hope we beat them 5-0 too!

Love them or loathe them, the message boards will always be a good read. Get yourself on - I promise you, it doesn’t get dull very often at all.

Links:
Poolie Bunker
Hartlepool United F.C. Rivals
In The Mad Crowd - the definitive Hartlepool United F.C. resource