Monkey Business: Behind Enemy Lines

Issue 86 dealt with our surprising success in League One, and came off the back of a 4-2 away win at table-toppers Leyton Orient. As I write this, Hartlepool were shambolic against bottom of the table Walsall at home, losing 1-0. Can't make that up, can you? Anyway, below is my article about the trip to Elland Road - having to sit, of course, in the home end. With thousands of Leeds fans. And we got beat. Bah.


The Ginger Poolie had trouble getting a ticket for the Pools game at Elland Road, so was forced to sit in the Leeds end...

It’s the biggest league game of my Pools-supporting life, and most likely hundreds more. The battlements had been prepared since the long drive home from Rochdale.

I like to think of my experience of Elland Road as entirely different to all other Pools fans. It’s for pretty obvious reasons, to be honest. I was sat in the East Stand, on the halfway line, half of the way up. I was, for want of the complete opposite, a Leeds fan that day. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, stuck in the middle of a fury of Leodensians with my brothers.

It really wasn’t out of choice, might I stress. Upon hearing of the one-per-fan principle at the ticket office, financial constraints (category A?!) and the fact I couldn’t get down to the ground as I was starting out at college, my brother was kind enough to do the honours from his workplace in Leeds. So, there we were at 12pm on Saturday coming out of Leeds station with the perfect seat - we just had to tone down the accents (something I find unbelievably impossible to do) and sit on our hands should we score.

The Leeds fan experience is a weird one. Underneath the railway bridge was a line of buses - two double-deckers and a regular coach, swarming inside and out with the enemy. Walking towards it, it transpired that the back bus was selling bus tickets from adapted side windows.

So there we are, three North-Easterners hiding our faces (don’t really know why, it’s not as if Hartlepudlians look any different) while 60 fans - most with LUFC tattoos, even the women and kids - chanted songs all the way to the outskirts. We must’ve looked pretty shifty on account of our hand-over-mouth whispering. Still, we survived, making it off the bus to the electronic ticket gates (whose idea was that?). The distance between the ground and buses, even though we were with another 100 or so Leeds fans, seemed completely devoid of human interaction. Fans were quiet, none were near the gates, and the steps up to the stand were silent.

Getting into the concourses, everything picked up. The hundreds of fans made the cavernous indoors seem actually suitable, unlike those of Rochdale, Darlo and Hull. After sinking a few pints - for match day nerves, I’m sure you’ll understand - we made our way to our seats.

Cracking they were, too. Perfect view of the action, but being a Town Ender, sitting disgusts me. Like Hillsborough, there was no leg room if you’re over 6’0”. I was already angry at the surroundings, until I started hearing the singing.

Oh, the singing.

My first reaction was to join in. Standing up and breathing in deeply, I forgot where I was and feigned a crap impression of a cough before turning left. 2,000 Poolies - still taking their seats - were making their presence known in something that genuinely made me feel proud. The flags of The Yakker Branch and Escape Goat tied up in full view, the AC Milan-style away kit was dominant, and the singing carried fantastically. It would for the rest of the game.

Click the picture to read the published article!

Sadly I had the feeling from the off that we wouldn’t be able to win it. The crowd was immense and, full respect to Leeds, their fans have stayed; the Revie Stand was absolutely rammed. It must’ve been one hell of a pressure on Pools players; even the East Stand were singing. It didn’t stop a two-way sing song, seeing “You’re not famous anymore” go up against “2-0 in your Cup Final”. The latter song was pretty funny though; I guess you need to make a joke out of the fact that it’s your own fault that you’re so low in the Football League.

Obviously we all know about the game - the most one-sided defeat I’ve seen. We absolutely ripped them apart. It made for some funny quotes from several people, but one really vocal bloke changed his mind more than Rafa changes the Lesser Pool’s starting 11. What follows is an accurate transcript of his yelling in order:

“Come on lads, this lot are s***!”

“Why are we defending, COME ON MAN, PUSH UP!”

“That lad in the red boots ain’t bad.” (tell me about it)

“Lucky that we scored off our first push of the game.”

“This lot aren’t half bad, actually.”

“We should be dancing round this lot.”

“How are we winning 2-0?”

“FOUR MINUTES OF ADDED TIME?! Jesus Christ… they could score 3!”

“Great win.”

“How did we not get beaten there though?”

“It’ll be a long way back to Hartlepool tonight.”

Cheers mate! The Leeds fans were certainly worried for that last 30 minutes though. They even had time to praise our fans, who they thought kept the team going.

I didn’t feel bad after the game. My brothers and I figured it was due to where we sat. Although we didn’t have our Poolie brethren alongside us and we couldn’t sing, or cheer beyond the polite anti-detection clapping for their goals, the Leeds fans were scared. Some went as far as to say that we were the best team they’d played (which includes Southend, Forest, Tranmere and Luton). We took solace in the fact we’d genuinely played well, and didn’t have time to feel sad given our surroundings.

For such a big game, and to quote a much-overused phrase, the better team lost, but for guts and tenacity, we were the real winners. Third in the table after 5 games suits me fine.

Atomic Sports Media: National Football League's European Vacation

I got tickets to NFL London! How good is that? By way of celebration, I wrote probably my longest piece yet for Atomic Sports Media. Read it below, or click here or there to get to it on ASM!


Finally, the moment my life has been building up to has arrived. After 21 years and four months, God has been gracious enough to allow me into the inner circle of Heaven. On October 28, I will be one of 90,000 fans watching the first NFL game outside North America at Wembley Stadium in London.

More than 500,000 people applied for tickets in March. I had no emails regarding the first and second lottery-pick rounds. Fast forward (or rewind, I guess) to September 6, 2007, probably the happiest day of my life. How so, you may ask? A pretty obvious set-up has deflated my impact, but I’ll give you an accurate transcript of my response to the beautiful email I received that day.

“Dear NFL fan,”

Hello NFL.

“Congratulations!!”

What have I won, a chance to buy sale items at RBK.com?

“You have previously told us that you would like the opportunity to purchase tickets for the Miami Dolphins v New York Giants match at Wembley Stadium on Sunday 28 October 2007, in accordance with the NFL's ticketing terms and conditions.”

Yes. Under three email addresses. Three of which broke my heart on two separate occasions.

“NFL UK and Ticketmaster are delighted to inform you that you have been given the opportunity to purchase tickets for this historic event!”

[expletives deleted]

“You are therefore entitled to buy up to 4 tickets to the game. In order to buy tickets we invite you to visit our ticketing website www.nfllondon2007.com at 10:00 BST on Wednesday 12 September. […] Tickets will be available on a first-come, first-served basis. There will be more applicants than seats available, so please purchase early to avoid disappointment. On May 16th, when the first batch went on sale, 40,000 tickets were sold within 90 minutes, and the second sale saw more than 10,000 tickets go in a similarly short amount of time.”

Bollocks. Big problem. I was in college on that day, at that time, without Internet access, learning shorthand. I knew that ASM colleague and partner-in-crime Jon Bellwood would be most happy to join me, so after a trip to his house and the setting up of a Ticketmaster account, he would represent us, and two accomplices, in our ticket purchase.

It was 10:03 a.m., Wednesday, and my phone starts going. I dash out of the room and answer. “Your details aren’t working, mate.” Double bollocks. After the fastest and most quickly resolved argument in my life, we find a second course of action. Five minutes later, my phone’s beeping. It’s a text from Jon.

The words “WE’RE GOING TO WEMBLES!!!” made me squeeze my unmentionables so hard to stop me both yelling in happiness and/or doing a lap of honour in the classroom. Might I add, sports fans, that the tactic is remarkably good if you want to reduce your manly bellow to a squeak and your galloping run to a shuffle; even then, you’d have a problem getting out of your seat to do it.

As my first article for the site I wrote about the collapse of NFL Europe. As a review of the game will no doubt be the ultimate conclusion and wrapping-up of the success of the event, I’ve found myself considering the following points now the dream is finally a reality, not only for the NFL, but for American sports on a whole.

1) New York Giants vs. Miami Dolphins?!

I know this sounds ungrateful. Hell, as long as they’re throwing the ball forward, it’s better than the sports I already have to watch with a ball that isn’t round, right? But really… I know that the Dolphins and Giants are nice sounding teams, but when was the last time they were actually good? The last time the Dolphins won the Divisional Playoffs was 1992, and they haven’t been in a Super Bowl since ‘84. Which they lost. Obviously the Giants did great in 2000, but the last time they were world beaters, Lawrence Taylor was still playing.

I probably deserve a slap given that I’m a beggar who’s wanting choice, but if you’re trying to promote the game internationally, wouldn’t you, as NFL Commissioner, at least try to get two flagship franchises of particular significance over the last five years? The others that made the shortlist, to my memory, were my beloved Steelers, the Saints, Eagles, Cowboys and Packers. Any of those five, at the moment, are more promising than the current choices. However, the league evidently thought that the greatest tie would be the one that sounded good when people used to watch the NFL here on a Sunday in the ‘80s. Fair play to them, I guess.

I’m not complaining though. The tickets have been sold. Some of you may remember that I myself have one. Hell, the Browns could play the Lions and it would still sell out.

Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement.


2) If it’s already sold out, why aren’t more games being scheduled for Europe, and for more sports?

I remember reading, a couple of years ago, about the L.A. Kings planning on coming over to Europe to do play a game or two - a plan that never came to fruition. If this NFL match succeeds in its aims, will the American sporting nation make a more concerted effort to stretch their boundaries? I know what you Yanks are thinking. You have your sports in your country, we have ours in, well, the rest of the world.

Even cricket is more popular in a larger amount of countries at international level than baseball and football put together. Then there’s soccer, of course. My beautiful soccer. That’s pretty much the universal sport - any country, any race, either gender.

I think the ticket sales stats given out by the email from NFL UK prove the selling potential of sporting franchises elsewhere. As universal as soccer may be, American sports would have to make up for their pseudo-cult status by tailoring their pulling power to the most obvious nations. For example, if the NFL plays another game, it would most likely be Germany given the NFL Europe venture was predominantly there until 2007; the Olympiastadion in Berlin holds 75,000. Then again, you could go all-out and aim for the Nou Camp in Barcelona - former home of the WLAF’s Dragons - and get close to 100,000. Either way, fans are willing to travel even if the host nation is unconvinced.

The NHL would run into problems though. They would have to spend a lot of money to create their own stadium as there really isn’t that much available in Europe, discounting Scandanavia and Russia (and really, would they go to Russia?). Like back in 2001 during The Cold War game between Michigan and Michigan State at Spartan Stadium, they’d have to adapt a field to get the maximum amount of people to watch. Even then, it would have to be two amazing teams to really pull in the crowds. And 75 percent of them wouldn’t see the puck.

And the MLB? They wouldn’t stand a chance. I don’t know of a single baseball diamond in Britain, or any leagues in Europe. Our version of it is cricket - a game which, to the masses, is a long and boring stick and ball game - although that’s another argument for another time!

The NBA would probably have the most luck after the NFL in hosting a game, as it’s pretty popular in several countries (particularly on the Mediterranean Sea). However, with the schedule meaning they have to play 600, maybe even 1,000 games a season (seemingly), the strain of traveling would be an immediate disadvantage to the participants. Both the Dolphins and Giants get a bye week after their trip to London, so it’s safe to assume that an NBA game would have to make similar adjustments to their schedule.


3) By the same token, would European sports try and make an impact on the American stage?

This is a tough one. The major European sports were, last time I checked, soccer, Rugby Union, soccer, Rugby League, soccer, soccer and soccer. And cricket.

Which of those could potentially sell in an American market? Soccer is on the upsurge. David Beckham’s various injuries have curbed the enthusiasm somewhat, and if we sent over Arsenal to play Manchester United at Giants Stadium or FedEx Field I have no doubt that the place would be filled. Would it actually happen though?

The Big 4 over here in the Premier League - Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal - all hate each other. It’s pretty much accepted fact that in a country so small, rivalries are easy to come by. However, all teams play each other twice - once home and once away, and games such as these serve as cornerstones of income (and fan fanaticism) for the teams. Although they could pull it off, it’s highly unlikely that it would ever happen – home-field advantage is a genuine saving grace. Having said that, with the USA Women’s soccer team dominating the Women’s World Cup, it could spark another bit of interest in the nation.

I think rugby would probably fail. The old joke over here, when I express my love for football, is that it’s “for girls who need pads to stop themselves getting hurt.” Obviously it’s a fatally flawed argument given the rules of rugby, and after playing both I can safely say that you NEED the pads in football to walk away from tackles. It would certainly be an interesting concept though, sending over London Wasps to play Leicester Tigers or another European team like Toulouse or Munster. It would never happen though, and the pulling power isn’t there. I don’t think even the current Rugby World Cup is getting much airtime on TV in the States.

The only way it could succeed would be to pit the Super Bowl winners against the Heineken Cup champions in a pair of role-reversing games. I think it’s happened before, but not on a particularly grand scale (and I think the rugby boys won). That would NEVER happen. I can’t see Peyton Manning going into a tackle with Lawrence Dallaglio. American players are just worth too much.

I have a funny feeling that these questions, and more, will be answered after October 28. Hopefully I can answer a few. What I am hoping for, above all, is a game where the points are flowing and not solely through field goals. Given both the Giants and Dolphins are 0-2 as I write this, it may actually turn out to be a dogfight of huge proportions. Either way, I hope you’re watching the game on your TVs; you’ll see the pulling power America does, can and will have over the sporting minds of Europe. If this hits the mark, I don’t think there’ll be any stopping commissioners from all sports questioning the financial and marketing gains of a European game.

After all, sports are a business. THE business.

Atomic Sports Media (blog): Confessions of a Lower League Soccer Fan, part 1: David vs. Goliath

I've just started blogging for Atomic Sports Media as well as here. I figured that it would give me an escape from consistently big articles and let me vent my thoughts - perhaps frustrations - about my favourite sports. I've started doing Confessions as a series of writings about Hartlepool United, partially because that's what comes first in my sporting life but also because I hope that people - even if it was just one - take an interest in it all too.

Read my blog here or below...



So, it comes to this. My team, the once ‘lowly’ Hartlepool United, facing up against the fallen giant, Leeds United. Leeds, having only been in the Premiership in 2004 and the UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI FINAL in 2001 (a fact I feel I must shout given that I simply cannot comprehend this team facing my own), flew down the divisions after a poor business investment did not pay off. Thinking that they could get away with it, Leeds management duly put all their eggs in one basket - the pay-off being the Champions’ League title bonus - only for Valencia to duly crap on Leeds 3-0 in the semi-final second leg in front of 53,000 fans in Spain. From a great height.

Oops!

So here we are today. Leeds, deducted 15 points before they kicked their first ball (financial irregularities do this to you), are now on -3 after four games; 4 straight wins. Hartlepool, who have just been re-promoted to League One (the third tier of English soccer, behind the Premiership and Championship), are on 9 points from four games - three straight wins after a loss at the beginning of the season.

With both team scoring the same amount of goals - 9 - the two in-form teams will square off at Elland Road, Leeds’ 40,000 all-seater stadium in Yorkshire. This is, without doubt, Hartlepool’s biggest ever League game in the modern soccer era.

Could I get tickets, though? Could I hell. Luckily my brother works in Leeds, and he was able to secure three tickets - one for me, two for my brethren - in the Leeds Family Stand, i.e. the home end. With my hands secured firmly underneath my arse and a roll of duct tape over the bottom half of my face, I should be able to hold back the screams of happiness should Hartlepool overcome this lot.

The gravity of the situation is unparalleled. Hartlepool have already dispatched Oldham, Doncaster and Port Vale - three teams who were challenging for promotion the season before. Oldham, in fact, were in the playoffs and we destroyed them 4-1 in my first match of the season at Fortress Hartlepool.

A win away from home at Leeds United would be phenomenal. Morale boost and 3 points in the bag, our team would feel unstoppable and our fans would be bouncing about for weeks to come.

With a win yesterday at Chesterfield (or CHEATerfield as they’re known) in the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy (which I think is sponsored by Disney too given it’s a joke of a competition), we’re on a roll. With the strongest team I’ve seen in my entire life as a Pools fan, I think we may just be able to do it.

If you see Pools have won and I don’t ever write again, you’ll know I died - happy - at the hands of irate Leodensians whilst chanting “Hartlepool, la la la, Hartlepool, la la la!”