The Latest (Column): Lock 'em up and throw away the key

After hearing yet another under-sentenced murderer's successful appeal for freedom, it became clear what I had to write about. In this week's column with The Latest, I decided to discuss prisons, and the key to the future of crime. Read it below or directly at The Latest!


Crime’s getting a bit out of hand these days, isn’t it? Although the press make Britain’s knife problems out to be as great a problem here as guns are in America (where they have both guns AND knives), it’s still a sorry state of affairs.

It was again brought to our attention in a slightly higher-profile case when Rob Knox, 18, who plays Marcus Belby in the upcoming Harry Potter film, The Half-Blood Prince, was brutally murdered outside of a London bar.

And yet again, the papers had a field day. It’s perfectly understandable, but for the last few years, a pattern has definitely emerged. With the fickle and unpredictable nature of news generally, the crusade against knife crime or similarly popular evil pastimes rises then dissipates in the wake of a newer, fresher tragedy.

Granted, it’s the same with anything. That’s why news is so interesting. The main problem is caused by the identities of the newspapers themselves, who show their collective intentions through campaigns, extended columns and angled editorials. The only one I know that has survived well is the Daily Mirror’s Honour the Brave Campaign, which even made it into a House of Lords discussion with the backing of Labour peer Lord Lipsey.

Oh, and we can’t forget the Daily Express’ tireless and remarkably dedicated coverage of Princess Diana and Madeleine McCann (I now refer to the paper as Madeliana).

But the current crime pandemic (as I suppose it will have been called somewhere along the line) has a much more simple solution. Newspapers have had t-shirt campaigns, the odd rally and special issues that focus on the problems. Since the jailing of Paris Hilton, which highlighted the need for true justice to be done, the answer becomes much more simple.

Build more prisons. Lots of them. And give them the Kwik Save (R.I.P.) No Frills treatment.

Okay. I’m not saying that we should employ the landscape of a Soviet gulag and the brutality of the Hanoi Hilton, but what is there to fear in prison these days?

Week after week we hear of judges not convicting bonafide criminals because of a lack of prison space. The same thing results in shortened sentences. And yet, particularly for the tiny crimes, fines and penalties are rising. It seems that as a country, Britain prefers the easy route when it comes to crime and punishment (and certainly not Dostoevsky’s).

To balance the justice and have a fair system for all, everyone has to serve the correct time. No more manslaughter convictions getting 2 years with parole in 14 months. No more serial killers getting what seems to be one life sentence. The Americans have got it right - add the sentences together. Give a murderer of five people 250 years. Drop the notion of saying one sentence and actually serving another.

However, the argument for me isn’t in judicial reform - that’s another story, perhaps much bigger than this one. Reform starts at the base.

When Paris Hilton was incarcerated for taking the mick out of the law for too long, she was stuck in Twin Towers Correctional Facility in Los Angeles - the world’s largest jail. I still think you could make them bigger myself. Although many will complain that it’s an eyesore or similar, it’s the way forward. Build more, or build bigger.

Then again, Alcatraz got it right. Stick it in the middle of nowhere with no chance of escape - drain the enthusiasm out of prisoners and make their time there seem like more of an eternity. No more TVs, restricted radio, no more entertainment. There are plenty of islands in the Outer Hebrides that aren’t inhabited.

And what happened to all this talk about prison ships? Isn’t that a great idea? Stick them in an old converted oil tanker (as they’ll be going for quite cheap soon, I imagine) and stick it in the middle of the sea. Scapa Flow did a good job in the wars, we could just stick them up there.

Finally, Louis Theroux also cottoned onto a large part of American law and order - desert prisons. Give them pink clothing to make them all feel stupid. Give them only-slightly-less-than-condemned food. Make them pay.

I know of no other place where people commit crime just to get in jail, but we hear about it regularly. Why do people do it? To, ironically, have more freedom and control in their lives. This has to stop.

Prison isn’t a matter of money. It’s a matter of how many criminals there are. If prison recalls awful memories for criminals, then they won’t go back - and as such, they won’t repeat offend. I know nothing is ever as simple as that, but you have to start somewhere - and we DO need to start.

The Latest (Column): Shocking Asian disasters and awful human folly

In my third column, I decided to tackle the obvious - the recent disasters in China and Burma, alongside their ramifications and response. You can read it on the front page of The Latest, directly as a story or below!


This time last month, I was hoping for a few shots of lava from Colombia’s Nevado del Huila to brighten up the slow news weeks of April. I didn’t expect that nature would answer my boredom by tenfold.

Now we have two of the most shocking natural disasters in recent times, again engulfing East Asia. Some of the most shocking imagery I’ve seen in recent years has only been outdone by the human idiocy that governs over so many of those affected by the tragedies.

Here’s a recap.

As we all know, both Burma and China have been affected by sheer destruction. On 3 May, Cyclone Nargis swept through the Irawaddy Delta in South East Burma. Currently it has the morbid fame of being the 8th deadliest cyclone ever. With deaths now at over 77,000 with the final total possibly reaching anywhere up to 124,000 lives lost, it is by far the worst tragedy to hit the North Indian Basin, and possibly the worst to claim lives on mainland Asia.

Less than two weeks later, on 12 May, the Wenchuan County disappeared under thousands of tons of rubble after an earthquake, measuring 7.9 Mw, wiped out most of the buildings in the area. With over 32,000 dead (and rising), as well as 220,000 injured and 5 million homeless, it is China’s biggest disaster since the Tangshan earthquake in 1976. Luckily, it doesn’t seem to be approaching the number of fatalities in Tangshan, which could have been anything from 250,000 to 750,000.

So, where did it all go wrong?

If you told people that both China and Burma would have had a major natural disaster, they would have predicted events to have taken the complete opposite directions as to what they did.

Burma, now known as Myanmar, is an ex-colony of Great Britain (which gained independence in 1948) and currently sits second-bottom in the table for Gross Domestic Product between Kiribati and Sao Tome and Principe as measured by the International Monetary Fund in 2007. With infrastructure being very poor and governed by a relatively technophobic military junta, the nation is stranded amidst the terror of the storms.

China, however, is the modern version of the Soviet Union and an extremely rich one at that. The newest superpower and the one that will, sooner or later, turn out to be the strongest, China has (on the whole) a strong and obedient workforce with great communication systems. Productivity is phenomenal, at one point turning private mobile phone ownership from 0 into 200 million - in one year.

And yet Burma refuses aid, cameras and journalists, whilst China openly accepts every single offer. The reason, to me, is very basic.

China, host of the Olympic Games this summer, has hit a crisis of image. With the Olympic torch processions throughout the world - which will be postponed for three days of national mourning - have been marred by protests along every foreign route due to their questionable treatment of Tibet. Although any humanitarian aid mission should be accepted, it’s not hard to believe that China is opening its doors a little early in order to broker stronger ties with the nations that have questioned its moral compass.

However, independence is the key factor in Burma. Although the junta in power has been shown for the tyranny that it seems to be (even struggling to deliver foreign aid 10 miles down the road - aid that they refused for a week after the devastation), their insistence on closed borders, plain clothes policemen and journalist deportation is clearly a sign for the rest of the world that Burma can handle its own problems.

Even if they can’t, and aren’t.

And as the death toll rises in Asia, the help that people have naturally offered to the victims of the latest round of natural disasters is seemingly reduced to politics. Granted, China is acting as it should, but even the more pro-China people of the world would have struggled to predict this political about-face which, to the more cynical members of the Chinese government, may have shown ‘weakness’.

However, it’s the sheer stupidity of Burma that will not be forgotten. Even if they did do something to help domestically, it wouldn’t have helped their international image to turn away foreign aid. As we see more videos of bloated dead bodies floating in the Delta and thousands huddled together under the few surviving structures, we wonder if we could ever help a state that is founded on sheer barbarism.

The Latest: Kasparov gathering interrupted by flying penis

Best. Story. Ever. Read it at The Latest or below!


Garry Kasparov, former chess grandmaster and leader of the Other Russia Movement, was interrupted by a penis-shaped helicopter during a speech to his coalition.

Yes. Really.

The Moscow Times reported today that the incident was a prank caused by “a couple of pro-Kremlin Young Russia activists” who intended to mock the anti-Putin gathering which brought together over 500 followers and press representatives.

His listeners, who ranged from Communists to human rights supporters, were part of Kasparov’s attempt to unite the opposition to the Kremlin with the goal of the “restoration of democracy”, Associated Free Press understands.

Minutes into Kasparov’s speech, a low hum attracted both attention and laughs when the obscene aircraft buzzed over the heads of camera-wielding journalists.

Many of Other Russia’s pre-election campaigns were marred by similar events, but none were as audacious as the most recent bid, which was smashed out of the air by a heavy-handed and humourless party supporter.

The meeting was marked with fierce comments before the farce ensued, with Kasparov blaming the Putin-backed government for “taking the country to the brink of national disaster”.

Tempers heightened when a young woman called Samara read from the group’s founding charter before adding: "We should spit in the face of tsars Putin and Medvedev."

The comments and flying penis follow the controversial national election in March, in which Putin’s candidate, former Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, received 70.3% of the vote.

The Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe (OSCE) refused to monitor the election due to what they believed to be “severe restrictions on its observers by the Russian government”.

You can watch the incident as it happened by following this link.

The Latest: Wife gets life for killing husband with vat of acid

I've found a few shocking stories recently and seem to have a knack for it, so I hope to post a few with The Latest over the next few days (time permitting). Read the following story below or on my blog at The Latest!

A biochemist from California was sentenced to life imprisonment without parole after killing her estranged husband by putting him in a vat of acid.

Larissa Schuster, 47, of Fresno, was convicted in December of murdering husband Timothy with the motive of financial gain.

Nearly a week after he was reported missing in July 2003, Mr. Schuster’s half-dissolved remains were found submerged in a 55-gallon (250 litre) vat of hydrochloric acid in a storage unit his wife had rented.

The Schusters were in the middle of a divorce that was to put an end to a 20 year marriage.

Associated Press reported that prosecutors said that Mrs. Schuster, alongside her former lab assistant James Fagone, used a taser and a chloroform-soaked cloth to immobilise Mr. Schuster.

They then bound his hands and feet before throwing him in the acid head first - probably while he was still alive.

The remains, when found by police, were only intact from the belt buckle down.

Fagone has already been sentenced to life without parole for murder and burglary.

The Schusters’ adult daughter, Kristin, told the court that she felt much safer knowing that her mother was in jail.

"I've been living for five years not knowing if I would have to worry for my own safety," she said.

"In your quest to become a dominating power freak, you became your own demon. You have hurt me for so many years and probably smiled inside, but look who's smiling now."

The Latest: Tennis champion Henin announces shock retirement

Firstly, I apologise for the lack of updates - aside from my blog and the odd picture post, I haven't had much time for article writing. You know how it is. Anyway, I decided to take a very current affairs story - the retirement of Justine Henin - and create a short story for The Latest. Read it below, or directly at the site!


The world of tennis has been left reeling after Justine Henin, the world number one, announced her retirement with immediate effect.

Henin, 25, had recently experienced bad form and pulled out of this week’s Rome Masters, citing fatigue as the factor.

However, nobody expected what was to come from the Belgian during today’s press conference, just two weeks before the French Open - a tournament she has won for the last three years.

"I thought long about this," Henin said, with tears in her eyes. "I started thinking about it late last year. I was at the end of the road. I leave with my head held high."

Winning 10 tournaments last year alone, alongside seven Grand Slams in four years, Henin insisted that she would not go back on her decision to retire.

"This is the end of a child's dream,” she continued. "I have experienced everything I could have. I have lived completely for tennis.

"I am relieved and proud of what I achieved."

Many rated Henin as the greatest woman to play tennis in recent years. Although only 5’5” and weighing 9 stone, she was able to overcome it with a devastating one-handed backhand - a rare skill that was stronger than most of her opponents’ double-handed efforts.

John McEnroe described her as “the Roger Federer of women’s tennis”.

Martina Navratilova, winner of 18 Grand Slams, went further in 2007, saying that “maybe the guys have 'the male Justine Henin', because she is just head and shoulders above everyone else right now".

But with a recent divorce from Pierre-Yves Hardenne, as well as a car accident involving her eldest brother in 2007, her personal life has caused her problems on and off the court.

Henin joins fellow Belgian Kim Clijsters, who also reached world number one, in retiring early from the sport. Clijsters, who called time on her career in 2007 aged 23, is now married and has become a mother, giving birth to Jada Ellie in late February.

Henin’s announcement also means that she will not be defending her Olympic gold for women’s singles in Beijing this summer.

It is thought that Henin is to continue her work with her tennis academy, Club Justine N1, which opened last November in Limelette, a French speaking part of Belgium.

The Latest: I hope you can live with yourself, London.

After hearing the inevitable result at the London mayoral election, I felt I needed to voice my opinions on something I am still having trouble processing. Read below, or go to my blog entry at The Latest.

Sometimes Labour is blamed for everything. As the Government, it’s bound to happen.

As a left-winger I’m disappointed in Labour - firstly for losing such a great lead over the decimated Tories, but secondly, and possibly most importantly, getting complacent enough to step into the amount of pitfalls it has.

On the scale of parties representing my views, I am now somewhat apolitical.

But for once, anti-Government sentiments seem to have resulted in one good casualty. Ken Livingstone, the man who orchestrated the Olympics coming to London - the man who brought American sports to the capital - the man who set up Britain’s first register for same sex couples - the man who dealt with the London bombings like a true professional and citizen - has been ousted by an utter buffoon.

I never seriously thought that Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, the man who refers to black people as ‘piccaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’ - the man who insulted the entire cities of Liverpool and Portsmouth - the man who forgot the name of his OWN book halfway through writing, giving it a different name on the dust cover to the book itself - the only non-Londoner of the three candidates - has somehow found his way into the most important job in London.

Another character in David Cameron’s Etonian regime, Boris Johnson, the man who couldn’t even snort cocaine properly (due to sneezing… seriously), has somehow overcome his multicultural incompetence to land himself with a multi-billion pound budget, surfing on the successes of Red Ken’s eight years of relative success.

Who would have thought that bringing back Routemasters - the dilapidated, unsafe transport of yesteryear - would have swung it in his favour so much (even though it will cost over £100m more a year to run them)?

Who would have thought that the candidate backed by no less than the BNP for being a joke - or being the closest to their policies - would have been at the front of the queue?

Who would have thought that Johnson, made into a pseudo-celebrity for being an utter idiot on Have I Got News For You, ridiculed thoroughly by Private Eye editor Ian Hislop, would have triumphed on the greatest political battleground in Britain?

One thing’s for sure - it seems that people aren’t so much voting for Boris as they are for Not Ken.

It has already led comedian Richard Herring to say that he “is disappointed in you London - in half of you anyway”. I don’t think he’s far wrong either.

But you can guarantee - Boris will mess it up. Like George W. Bush, it only takes one unforgivable quote to seal an idiot’s demise. Cue HIGNFY, Bremner, Bird and Fortune and all manner of current affairs quiz shows to parade just how wrong London was tonight. For the next four years, no less. Well done London.