Atomic Sports Media: Common Grounds

Given the boring, boring World Series has been annoying enough to waste valuable late-night quality viewing on Five (haha... okay, maybe not), I decided to compile the similarities between two sports that, on the face of it, have very little in common. Find it on Atomic Sports Media by clicking here or here or even here, or read the article below...



So, I was thinking, what’s the perfect comparison of sport between Merry Old England and Stupidly Huge America? I had a think. And by think, I mean to say that I looked on Wikipedia at a list of sports. Having spent over eight seconds looking at words I hadn’t even seen before, I certainly knew two things: firstly, that it’d have to be mainstream; secondly, that it had to have similar basics.

Sadly, all of our good ones - and by good, I mean in the eyes of the masses - are completely different to yours. You have football. So do we. Obviously the main difference between the definitions is that our description of football is actually accurate. I’m even happy to carry that definition joke over to comparing your MLS with our Premiership. I mean, REALLY, did you guys learn nothing from the NASL? The former is a thoroughly bastardized form of the latter.

Anyway, before you all start frantically pushing Alt + F4 to close your browser because of some Limey know-it-all who seemingly doesn’t know that America would kick our arses in everything but soccer, yet still incessantly talks and talks in over-long sentences, wait. I have found the finest comparison of Trans-Atlantic sports. It will show you that we’re not two countries separated by a common language as Oscar Wilde once said, but by a common sport as well.

In looking for the link, I found something common. In true American fashion, you’ve taken out the unnecessary parts of original British blueprints, done away with any form of tradition and made it as flashy and exciting as possible. Sadly, it’s still regarded by the masses as one of your most boring sports - the very link that brought the link to my attention.

So what were widely regarded as the boring sports of the world by those young go-getting Internet types on their forums and LAN games, listening to their hippety-hop music? I did a quick check around a few message boards and the same answers came up.

“Anything to do with horses” - but horse racing, the most viewed of them all, isn’t sport, everyone knows that: it’s a thinly-veiled platform for gambling.

“Basketball. You score and then you concede. Whoever scores last wins” - valid point. I don’t even watch until the fourth quarter. Still, we got “Space Jam” out of it. That was a good film, apart from the shameless Michael Jordan montage after he went into Looney Tune Land. Then again, when the TuneSquad beat the Monstars I cried with joy. But I digress.

“Snooker, because it only has one camera angle” - true, but there’s sometimes nothing better than having no commitments, a six-pack of beer and a couch with it on the TV for hours. Besides, it’s hardly a team game and they don’t build stadiums for it.

“Golf.” - see above.

But then…

“Cricket because it’s on for five days, i.e. forever”

“Baseball, I hate it, apart from when balls bounce off of Jose Canseco’s head and out of the park for a homer”

And there we have it.

I’m surprised the link hadn’t come to me sooner in light of the World Series (I’m too busy watching the Steelers fall apart at Denver to pay much attention) and cricket’s Twenty 20 World Cup (I was preoccupied with seeing England lose in everything this week to even remember that tournament).

I’ve broken the comparisons down into handy bite-sized pieces. I would have said fun-sized, but I feel that is, and always has been, a lie. I expect a fun-sized Mars or Snickers to be at least 5 pounds, but the description does not deliver - something I aim to do. I digress.

1) Wood, balls and running

One guy throws the ball, the other hits it. Fantastic. When you hit it nicely enough, you can grant yourself a light jog in order to score points.

2) Boundaries

If you hit the ball far enough, you score more. In baseball, the home run gains you one point. In cricket, if you hit it to the boundary, you gain either 4 or 6 runs, depending on whether the ball bounces before the boundary or not.

3) Heights of athleticism

Don’t get me wrong. I’m hardly in a place to criticize other people’s athletic ability. However, one does not have to be a string bean to compete. Compared to football, soccer, ice hockey and basketball - which are generally more movement-based and potentially damaging, if a contact sport - both cricketers and baseball players alike don’t need huge muscles and 36-inch waists and below to enter.

4) No need to retire at 30

My own father, who captained the local cricket team, played until he was 49. With such low intensity play, it’s easy to do so - although obviously, playing at local level contributed to that. However, players at the top level have regularly gone on to play at 40 years old, and beyond. Sir Donald Bradman, regarded as the greatest batsman of all time in cricket, racked up a batting average of 99.94 by age 40. Even now, in the wake of the World Series, Curt Schilling, Mike Timlin and Tim Wakefield - all 40 or over – played key rolls in the success of the champion Red Sox.

5) SCANDAL

This is probably my favourite area of comparison, and it highlights our cultural differences in such a stereotypical way. Ticket-selling superstars have a personal habit of getting themselves in the limelight for all the wrong reasons. Barry Bonds - central to the BALCO Scandal - is not so much remembered for his prolific record-breaking home run total, but for his alleged drug use (‘The Cream’ and ‘The Clear’) and the purported effect it has had on his performance. You Americans and your drugs tests, huh?

Here, we’ve had two successive England cricket captains in trouble with the England Cricket Board (ECB). The first - the infamous Andrew Flintoff (known as Freddie to most people here, as his surname resembles that of one Mr. Flintstone) - was caught up in the “Fredalo” incident that resulted in his loss of his vice-captaincy. Basically, he got really drunk, tried to ride a pedalo, fell in and had to be rescued. Us Brits and our alcohol, eh?

The second and more recent incident involved Paul Collingwood, England’s current captain, who did the damnedest thing when attending a strip club for a couple of beers. Fined £1000, he didn’t realize it was a strip club until a full half an hour of attending. If naked women on poles didn’t catch his attention, it probably stands to reason why he was out on his first ball the next day against South Africa in the World Twenty20 Championship - obviously the bowler didn’t catch his eye either.

6) Us against them

Cricket and baseball both find themselves with a fan base that is surprisingly militant in their following. Cricket was, a few years ago, full of old people who were very prim and proper, obsessed with tradition and, well, British. Very British. It’s opened up in recent years, where five-day games (two innings, unlimited overs - an over amounting to six balls) would attract the “Barmy Army,” hardcore young Britons who dress up, sing, play marching band music from the stand, everything. It’s rejuvenated the sport.

Baseball is, and always has been, like that. From the stereotypical organ through the tannoys to the hilarity of Steve Bartman, baseball fans always get involved one way or another. However, the fans of these sports have a group mentality, and it leads back to the original point; baseball and cricket are, in the eyes of the masses, boring as hell.

Call it the lack of contact, the length of the game or the irregular stand-up-and-dance involvement, baseball and cricket fans tend to follow their sport and no other. I like that: it shows true fan identity. Besides, why buy a beer when you have no time to drink it? Why wait for tickets that cost a stupid amount of money when it doesn’t last? Length of a game doesn’t matter in the grand scale of things - not with other priorities in life, like getting drunk.

7) Tradition

Baseball seems to be a very British sport in America. Everything seems to stay the same, from team logos to outfits to helmets to batting styles to everything. Chief Wahoo and Mr. Met are still going strong, for example; other sports seem to tire of these facets of identity quite quickly, although I don’t think anybody can blame the Braves for dropping Chief Noc-A-Homa. You’d get shot for suggesting something like that these days.

Regardless, American baseball iconography has a huge place in popular culture and is going strong outside the USA - I don’t know of anybody who can’t recognise the Boston “B” or the Yankees’ “NY.”

British identity lies in the county you were born in. My family, for this very reason, has strong bonds with Durham County Cricket Club, the youngest team in the County Championship (formed in 1992) and winner of their first two trophies this year. Everything tied in with that is very old-fashioned - club crests are usually the county coat-of-arms, and the colours - if worn (cricket players usually wear white) - depend on those on the crest. And finally…

8) The future of the sport

Although this seems like a bit of a throwaway comment, or an obvious one to say the least, the future of both of these sports is through youngsters. Children form the backbone of the future success of both cricket and baseball - whether it’s the little leagues in America or the local clubs of the villages and towns in England. Fan bases of both sports are very family-orientated, more so than other sports. As it’s more relaxed, frequent and lasts longer, you get a better bang for your buck and a good day out.

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The great irony of this comparison is possibly one of home culture: I love cricket, yet I just can’t watch baseball. I truly cannot. I suppose when you’re indoctrinated to the ways of the cricketer from birth, there’s no avoiding a love for cricket; maybe I dislike bat-and-ball sports but just feel compelled to watch it due to family allegiances. Having said that, I’m a Red Sox fan on account of having a tour of Fenway Park.

I find myself drawn to the NHL and NFL due to their emphasis on contact - the forms of sport I’ve always personally engaged in. I probably only like the NBA because young upstarts like Carmello Anthony always guarantee a bench-clearing brawl every now and then.

Still, without cricket and baseball, both British and American sports would find themselves lacking the alternative chilled out approach to competition. They both represent the traditions and balance sport needs to thrive and, to a certain extent (and particularly in the move-happy USA), survive. It’s just a bonus that to their fans, other sporting disciplines simply do not compare, and I can see exactly why - fans of these sports are a different breed; in most respects, much better.