Monkey Business: Paradise Lost

I wrote another article for the Monkey Business' last issue of the season - this time about the season as a whole. It's more to highlight the ups and downs of Hartlepool United's season from my perspective. Click on the images for bigger versions of the Bizz's front cover and my published article!


For the first time in seven years, I’m experiencing a close of season where Pools don’t seem to have anything to play for.

And regardless of my view at the beginning of the season that a mid-table finish would be perfect for Pools’ re-establishment in League One, I can’t help but feel a little cheated.

A sequence of events early in the season should have told us all what to expect. After a convincing 4-2 win at table toppers Leyton Orient gave us a great starting position in the league, we then fell apart in a disastrous display at home to then-bottom Walsall.

Surely our cup performances would give us some early season fun, maybe a little money? After an inspired performance by Foley away to Scunthorpe, we had all of about 1.3 shots on target at Hillsborough in a 2-1 defeat that was more comprehensive than the need for extra time suggested.



At least there was always the Paint Pot Trophy to have a crack at. Great away wins at Chesterfield and Lincoln gave us hope, but then we lose at home to Conference fodder Morecambe. What was worse was that Carlisle, Donny and Leeds also went out, leaving a possible choice of Stockport, Grimsby or Bury. Christ.

At least we had a patsy with Gainsborough in the FA Cup though, with an easy ticket to the second round after slapping them about 6-0 in Lincolnshire - no Havant & Waterlooville dream for them, that was for sure. A draw to Hereford gave us hope for a real team in the third round, but that went out of the window after a thorough pants-down spanking at Edgar Street.

We could focus on the league though , yeah? Well maybe, if we hadn’t already been three games into a drought that would see us pick up two points from a possible 36 away from home.

It was at about this time that Wilson’s job was in question. Granted, he was near messianic last season in his near-perfect season, sticking to the tradition of foregoing the silverware in the last few games. We were too good for that, anyway.

His choices were questionable though and for so long too, only choosing what many regard to be our strongest XI with ten games to go. Monkhouse disappeared from the face of the earth after an alleged falling out with Wilson (and getting his longest game on Soccer AM’s Crossbar Challenge); Porter was behind Barker, the king of penalties; and McCunnie was replaced with cardboard cut-outs from month-long loans in the likes of Danny Coles.

Oh, and some fella called Budtz was in goal all the time. Remember him? I’m still trying to forget.



Even our great new signing seemed to have the odds stacked against him. The mention of Collins’ name would regularly get “who hell he?” responses from fans who barely got to see him before an extended four match ban for a relatively innocuous challenge.

Still, it seems that Pools have completely changed in the space of a season. After leaving the comfort of League Two, we’re without a consistent defence and goalkeeper - two things that were hardly ever criticised before. Scoring goals just isn’t the problem - we’re top scorers at home, and a top five team for overall, but even the likes of Admiral Nelson would agree that their performance was somewhat lacklustre this year.

And after a surprising run of three wins, Pools showed how poor League One was. From being five points from relegation, we were then 7 points from the playoffs. Now neither seems achievable. With Luton and Bournemouth seeing administration and Port Vale doing a lower league impersonation of Derby, it’s down to two or three other teams to scrap it out until the final game - and it doesn’t look like Pools are one of them.

For me, it’s paradise lost as a Pools fan. Not so long ago, we were at the top of a poll for overly-optimistic fans in our league. Over-expectation was not an issue this year though - we COULD have done it. Had the true starting XI been picked every game, we may have. If the players could remember how to pass from game to game, we may have. If Budtz was a goalkeeper, we may have. Who knows?

I’m just a bit shell-shocked that I don’t feel the need to care over the last few games of the season - so many other fans feel the same.

But, for all his mismanagement, I want Wilson to stay. I like the bloke. I think he’s finally learned from his mistakes. And luckily, statistics don’t lie - after a bit of reading up and some shopping, I can see us fighting for promotion again.

Please, Danny. Make it happen.